The royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Meghan Markle is this weekend and the world is abuzz. This week, as I was hearing little news snippets (gossip really) , I started thinking how Harry and Meghan’s wedding story can teach us commoners some valuable lessons about the process of going from fiancé to spouse.
Even with half as many invitations sent as his brother’s soiree, Harry and Meghan still have a huge guest count! But, that also means that there are a ton of people that were left wondering if they made the cut. I really don’t like the pressure put on a couple when they are attempting to sit down and carve out a guest list. Everyone from parents and grandparents to friends and Facebook friends feel like they have a say in who gets invited and who will sit where and with who. And couples feel immense pressure, before the ink is barely dry on said guest list, to tell people they are invited right away. It’s nobodies business. You don’t owe anyone a pre-invitation invite. If someone wants to know if they’re invited, they can check the mail, and if they find a save the date and/or invitation, then they’re invited. Let this be a lesson!
Except for a little gimme here and a tidbit there (like the announcement they’ll be serving lemon elderberry cake), no one will know anything about this wedding until they arrive and see it in person. And that’s how it should be. Plan your wedding and let people be surprised upon arrival with what you’ve put together in order to celebrate with them. No one needs to know six months out that you’ll be having your friend’s band play the ceremony music, or that you’ll be serving chicken marsala and a tofu dish for your vegan friends. Someone will bitch. Uncle Ron thinks vegans are snowflakes and that tofu is for birds and your friend Joanna hates the fiddle player in your friend’s band. Let them deal with their crap when they arrive. Chances are, they won’t even care by that point. But if they know six months out, well that’s six months they’re going to be gossiping about it and complaining and all of that is going to make its way through the gnarly little grapevine to your ears. Queue stress.
Family issues, weather issues, vendor issues, bad hair days. The world didn’t stop turning because you got engaged and are planning a wedding. I know it sucks, believe me. Mr. B and I’s wedding was canceled due to…a hurricane. The world didn’t stop turning because we were planning a wedding and neither did the weather. What did we do? We got all our money back (except for $200) and re-planned a wedding somewhere else. It sucked, but four months after our original wedding date, we were married. Meghan is going through her own troubles too. Her father won’t be walking her down the aisle, on top of getting caught staging paparazzi photos for attention. As if that weren’t bad enough, her siblings are talking trash about her. Life is always happening, and most of it is out of our control. Chanel your grace and just keep walking.
There is a protocol to follow and as romantic as it all may seem, Harry and Meghan could never do what they might really want. They don’t have the option of a 50 guest, intimate wedding in Paris, or Star Wars themed centerpieces. The wins they get will be in the details, and will still fit into a proper box. But it’s not their money, and the day is just as much about the royal family as it is about them. If your parents are covering your wedding bill, you can’t get angry at them for wanting to have a say in the way their money is being spent. If they’re paying, it’s their day too. If you’re one of the lucky few whose parents turned over a check and never stipulated how any of it should be spent, who should be invited, etc, consider your parents unicorns and never complain, because other couples will be yelling “off with their heads!”
NOTE: If you’re paying for your own wedding, then no one has a say but you. Your money, your day. No one has the right to tell you how to spend your own money.
There’s no explanation needed here. People will always gossip.
Need more wedding planning real talk? Read all the installments of The Wedding Cake Sessions! If you’ve got a topic or question I haven’t covered yet, shoot a Dear Dawn email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Chances are, you’re not the only one that needs help or perspective on that topic and together we can help the community keep it royally real!