I’ve been to Arlington National Cemetery twice. The first time I went, I was with a civilian friend that was living in Annapolis. I was 25 and just over a year into my enlistment. I had just graduated from NNPTC (Naval Nuclear Power Training Command) in South Carolina and was at the beginning of about two weeks of leave, during which I had to move myself to my next duty station in Ballston Spa, NY. It was the perfect time to make a detour to visit my friend in Maryland. We planned a day in DC and my #1 request was to visit Arlington.

I had called my dad a few days before to see if the family knew anyone buried there so I could locate the grave and pay our family’s respects. I was in the Navy after all, and not just a tourist there. I wasn’t expecting that we knew anyone, but my parents asked around. The day before I went, my Dad called back to tell me that my Grandma would like for me to check for Wayne Upell Jr., her cousin who died in the Korean War. She hadn’t ever been to the grave and was happy to know he’d have a visitor.

I was a little surprised to be learning of this person. I had never even heard the name much less any stories about the Korean War. Our family’s recent history has tended to be dominated by World War 2. I never even knew we had anyone serve in Korea. But, unfortunately, these histories often get lost with the generations.

I went into the welcome center to get the location of the grave site. There was going to be a bit of a walk. It was a nice day and there were lots of school and other tour groups making their way to the various “highlights” like the Kennedy grave and the Tomb of the Unknowns. I was on my way to see my very own unknown soldier.

When you go to Arlington you know it’s big and there are a lot of white headstones. We’ve all seen the photos and dramatic movie scenes. You think you know what to expect. It’s overwhelming. The vastness of it made me feel small…and that I could never give enough. I sobbed.

We found the row, left the walkway and began checking the names. After a minute of searching I came upon it. Wayne Upell Jr., 1st Lieutenant, United States Air Force, Korea, September 5, 1950. My friend asked what the SS-AM stood for. He was a Silver Star and Air Medal recipient. You can read about his Silver Star here.

I thought to myself, this was a person that my grandparents knew. He had a wife and a child that he left behind. They all felt that loss when they were young, about the same age as I was standing there right at that moment. I tried to put myself in their shoes, to imagine hearing “Your cousin’s plane was shot down. He didn’t make it.” What an agony. I wondered if it had given them any solace that he was decorated and buried on this lovely plot of land in the most prestigious cemetery in our country.

My friend took a photo of me with the grave stone so I could send it to my Grandma. I also took some photos of the view from his spot so she would know he was well cared for. He was on a small hill with a nice vantage point and right down the lane from a pretty cherry blossom. It’s a good spot if you can get it.

Alas on Monday, Memorial Day, at Arlington, President Obama said the very thing I was thinking that day:
“The Americans who rest here, and their families – the best of us, those from whom we asked everything – ask of us today only one thing in return: that we remember them.”

So throughout the summer as you gather with family, don’t forget to remember. Take the time to ask questions. Ask your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, anyone who will listen…what they remember…about anything. Sit together over old photo albums, drink wine, tell stories. Write it down, record audio. Most importantly, pass it on.