You’re in the middle of wedding planning and you finally decided on invitations. If you’re about 8-10 weeks out from your wedding date, you’re getting ready to slap a stamp on those babies and drop them in the mailbox. This is one of the most exciting moments in wedding planning, because you’re finally sharing this lovely announcement that gives a little hint at the tone of your event! Soon those RSVP’s will be rolling in and you’ll be moving on to the seating chart.

A few weeks later, your RSVP date comes and goes, and you realize a rather large chunk of your “honored guests” haven’t bothered to reply in any way, shape or form. Not only did they not send back the self addressed stamped envelope (how hard is it to write your name, check a box and pop it in the mailbox?) or go to the website to click attending or not attending (how much easier can you make it for them?!), they also didn’t call, text, email, Facebook, Tweet….to tell you one way or another if they’re coming. Your guest count is due to the caterer in a hot second. Mass frustration ensues.

The first thing to realize is THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! Sorry to be so in your face about it, but it’s true. It’s best to prepare yourself so you can rectify the situation as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Not receiving RSVP’s is extremely common. So just know you’re not the only couple this is happening to. It’s not you, it’s them. Some people forget, lose part of the invite, just have no clue about their schedule, can’t find a date, have a change in financial situation they think might clear up…the list goes on. Some excuses totally suck, but some are legitimate, so it’s important to be understanding. We know it’s frustrating, and ironically, many of your guests do too.

Waiting on RSVP’s, especially during that last week before the due date, is torture. You know the vendors, particularly the caterer are waiting to make rental and food orders. You’re wondering if you need to cancel or add a centerpiece from the floral designer. It sure would be nice to know if you could ditch a whole table and save some money on flowers and linens. The RSVP due date is a huge stressor at a time when you’re literally trying to tackle a lot of final details at once.

So what do you do when wedding guests don’t RSVP? According to Emily Post (and probably your wedding planner) you immediately get on the phone and call them. Put on a smile, and be kind and polite so your wedding bliss can be felt through the phone. Simply ask if they received your wedding invitation, and tell them you’re calling to check on the status of their RSVP. If you get a voicemail, let them know the time you need to hear back. Don’t be afraid to follow up if they haven’t responded within 24 hours.

In order to help alleviate some of the stress, just assume that at least a few of your guests will forget to RSVP. If the latest any of your vendors need the final guest count is two weeks prior to your wedding, make your RSVP due date three weeks out. This will give you a full week to contact late repliers, but don’t wait. As soon as that due date hits, get on the phone. You could even start calling 1-2 days beforehand, because if you haven’t received the reply yet, it’s likely you won’t get one unless you call.

If you have a substantial list of non-RSVPers, elicit help from your parents and wedding party. Just make sure they are going to be gracious and kind to your tardy repliers! Remember, these people were on your guest list for a reason and the ultimate goal is to have them at your wedding!

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like someone is ghosting you, and isn’t providing an answer either way despite you giving a deadline, craft a response that lets them know you’ve marked them as not attending. Again, be kind. Something along the lines of “Hello friend. I’m sorry we missed you. Since we haven’t heard from you regarding our wedding RSVP deadline we’ve had to go ahead and mark you as not attending. We look forward to celebrating with you further down the line.” Keep it simple and to the point while keeping the line open for the future.

Good luck and happy planning!